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in essence, he was murdered.
we, his family, still don't know what happened. his wife, stepson, and stepdaughter were (allegedly) there, but the story of what exactly happened change like the wind. all we know for sure is that Jeff is dead, he was strangled to death by his stepson, and his wife chose to end life support so that we'll never know his side of the story. his wife also chose to have him cremated so if the police wanted to review his body again for evidence, they won't be able to. i'm sure the officers were thorough initially, but you never know- they may have reason in the future. Jeff didn't want to be cremated. i mean, seriously... he's Irish for the love of Pete! what Irishman doesn't want a wake and burial?
i'm disgusted. i'm sad. i'm disappointed. i'm frustrated. i'm sick. i'm many emotions that i can't even begin to explain.
please pray that justice is done swiftly and accurately. please pray for his three children that have lost their father so very early, too early. please pray for his family, the brothers and sisters and many nieces, nephews, and cousins he left behind.
thank you.
I feel it really isn't my place to forgive or not to forgive. My best friend's partner cheated on him and lied about it, but it was up to him to either forgive her and try to salvage their relationship or not to forgive her and move on. He chose to forgive her and work it out, and that's what they did (they've been married for 2 years now). It was his choice to make, he made it, and his decision is good enough for me. I didn't find it difficult to spend time with them as a couple or with either of them individually. I thought I would. The three of us talked about it, she admitted she was wrong, I warned her to not ever do it again or I would kick her out of his life, we laughed, and we moved on.
some people are just so un-fucking-believable, and i don't mean that in the "you totally rock the planet!!!" way.
my next door neighbor's daughter (i guess she's late 20's- she and her family moved back here from Texas and are staying next door until they get their own place. came over this morning and started to make a complaint about my dog barking. i own a town home so you can imagine how close together the yards and houses are. my dog barks when anyone comes around that he doesn't know. if someone goes into the yard next door and he doesn't know them, he barks... and barks... and barks. dogs bark, ladies and gentlemen- it's their nature. as canines, barking comes with the territory.
anyway, all the barking was grating on my nerves so i was about to bring him in regardless of her feelings. i can't get any work done when he gets all riled up like that. i told her i was planning to bring him in and just as i was closing the door she says, "it's SO fucked up that you trained your dog that way." of course i had to ask, "what way would that be?"
and here is the punchline- get ready for it:
"it's SO fucked up that you would train your dog to be prejudice against Mexicans."
and yes, she was totally serious. needless to say, i fucking lost it. i haven't laughed that hard and long in a while. goodness, can you imagine? this chic actually thinks i took time out of my days to train my dog to only bark at a very specific group of people. un-fucking-believable!!
she isn't Mexican- my dog barks at her. her parents and brother aren't Mexican- my dog barks at them. my dog barks at anyone he doesn't know. dogs bark and the only prejudice they have is against people they don't know... or don't like (ha!).
she's been giving me shit like this since she moved back here. i wonder what she'll come up with next...
Halloween was a total blast! we had a great time dressing up and walking around trick-or-treating. my teens went to a party that turned out to be not just a party- all the guests put their creativity to use and made a haunted house for people to visit when they came trick-or-treating. can you picture 30 teens making a haunted house? wow, i didn't get to see the finished product, but i'm sure it was fabulous.
there was a little snag last night, but i'm proud of myself for the way i handled it and the fact that i only let it piss me off for about 5 minutes. before i go on let me just say this: i became a parent at 17 years old. i have nothing against people who become parents at a young age because it's a decision my (ex) husband and i made together. we got pregnant intentionally. my life circumstances were very different than those of a lot of young parents- we lived together, we'd been together a few years, we were engaged to be married, and we had it all planned out so that neither of us had to leave school, leave work, or put our child in daycare. i don't want whomever reads this to think i'm one of those people that looks down upon young people who have children- i'm not and God knows with all the fucked up things i've done in my life i sure have no right to judge anyone.
however, judging is human nature. i never said i was perfect.
what pissed me off last night was the following:
a girl (yes, girl- she's 18) asked if she could walk with us. i'd seen her around our neighborhood and thought it would be nice to have someone to walk with. i had my 8 year old daughter and 19 months old son with me and she had three children in a stroller with her. i thought maybe one of them was hers, but it turns out that all 3 are hers and all 3 have different fathers. none of the fathers pay child support. she lives with her parents and collects food stamps and cash assistance. no problem- i would, too, if my childrens' father wasn't paying child support. you know what pissed me off about it? this girl, at 16, is driving a brand new bmw. yes, you read that right. it's hers. her parents didn't get it for her. they don't charge her rent- she just has to take care of food for herself and her children. so basically, you and i- the people that pay taxes- are paying for this girl's bmw. so yes, that pissed me off a bit, but you know what? that's the way it is. i'm happy with what i have. i can't say i'm happy that i'm paying someone else's $600/mo car payment, but such is life.
i was pissed off about it for about 5 minutes and then i thought, "fuck it. there's no sense in being pissed off about something i can't control." we went on with our night and had a great time. some kid scared the shit out of me and it was great! the kids got a lot of candy. the teens got to spend time with their friends. the ex came over toward the end of the evening and brought lots of things- pizza, buffalo wings, cheese fries, mozzarella sticks, broccoli bites, and jalepeno poppers. all the grandparents came by and took pictures and brought candy apples and caramel apples. all in all it was a great night.
i love Halloween!
Halloween is almost here. it's one of my favorite days of the year and it's the one time that i lock "me" in a closet and totally become someone else for a blissful 24hours. not that being me is bad... it's not. it's just a lot more fun to dress up in some socially unacceptable getup and prance around being mischievous.
this year i'm dressing as the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland. needless to say, it should be one grand fucking time! my son has decided that he's too old to dress *sigh* what have i done wrong? he's 16 for fucks sake and he doesn't want to dress up and be a complete fool for a day. ah well, maybe he'll change his mind. i hope so. my other children are dressing as characters from Alice in Wonderland, too. my 15 year old daughter as Alice, my 8 year old daughter as the Cheshire Cat, and my 19 month old son as the White Rabbit. we spent a lot of time on our costumes and i may post some pictures. i don't know yet. we'll see. i'm a little concerned about sharing images that can be recognized by people i know... and i definitely don't want that.
so again... we'll see.
anyway, be creative and enjoy the day!
Thu, Oct. 29th, 2009, 12:00 am
the beginning
i decided to start an online journal as a type of personal therapy. some people have music, some seek professional help, some write, others bottle it all up... i do the latter. i keep things inside until i can't take anymore and then... well, you can imagine. i explode, but i still don't tell what's really on my mind.
some things are too embarassing to tell. some things are too shameful to share. some things are so frightening that if i utter a single syllable about it, i'm completely convinced history will repeat itself. some things are buried so deep that it will take a very long time and several shovels to dig it all up. 95% of what i journal here has never been said, not ever, not even to God.
please... if you're easily offended, squeamish, can't tolerate strong language, are unable to gracefully agree to disagree, and/or if you're an overall asshole, be gone. i have enough issues and shit going on in my life without dealing with fuckers like you.
on a nice note, Halloween is almost upon us. i couldn't be more excited!
all that being said, welcome to the asylum.
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